I am puke
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize