they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
