i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
