i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
