whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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