I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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