There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
