And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
