omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
