I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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