did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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