This girl is more easily done than said...
Screwed.edu
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
