Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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