You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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