Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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