hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
