Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize