Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You pole danced in your parka.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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