I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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