This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
