A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
whose parrot is this?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
