Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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