yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
