Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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