i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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