Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When are your genitals available?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
