I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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