i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize