I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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