I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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