I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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