so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
