I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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