Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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