I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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