Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
