he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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