All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
