Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
