Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
