kristin has been a bad kristin
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
