I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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