I'm really into asian looking animals
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
