just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
