just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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