Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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