I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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