I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
