Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
