I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
