it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
