I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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