His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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