jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
