just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize