If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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