So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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