Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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