My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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