id be glad to
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
