You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
