I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
