this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
