I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
