just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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