By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
