i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
